Today, I think about friendship..

When I meet someone new, they would always have the first impression that I am friendly. It is indeed true until I stopped believing that all the person who is nice to you is considered your friend. Some were just pretending to be one in order to use you and take advantage of you. But there are some who’s indeed true to you.

Image

If I would be brutally honest, even in my barkada in high school, I could only consider 4 out of 12 people to be my closest buds. That would be my best friend, my two mapuan buddies (HS close friends who also studied in my school) and a Benildian. I need not to name that anymore.. So here I go…

April 18, 2014 might not been one of the highlights of my best friend’s life, but it sure is a memorable day for me.. It was the funeral of my best friend’s mom and I am still glad that I made it even though I was late for about thirty minutes. Thanks to her for telling me that the service was going to be held at 11am. After finding out that it was 10am, I hurriedly took a bath and found the first cab that I saw. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Eventhough I made it at 10:30am, the service was OVER. :|. I was kind of shocked and my face turned out like this :|. I felt that I was kind of a failure because I was late when she needed me the most. (What kind of bff am I? Total failure :|). So when I heard that no one cried, not even her, I kind of felt relieved. At least she’s not crying at the funeral. Anyway… Since it was good friday today, I was supposed to go home after the funeral. But I stayed longer because her cousins and I are busy playing charades. They were really laughing hard. It really felt nice. I dunno. Maybe because I was somehow acknowledge by her family..

Even though I was supposed to go home after that, they even invited me to have lunch with them. I was really shy. Seriously. But still, they treated me as if I was part of their family. Then I realized.. So this is how it feels.. when you’re close with your best friend’s family.. It’s kind of nice.. And I was still abducted and played with them until 4pm and I headed home..

The next friends are my mapuan HS friends. The first one is a girl and the other one is a guy. I’ve been really comfortable with this girl because she’s always there and the three of us hang out more often than not. It’s really nice that way.. Seriously. :P.. And the guy, it’s this feeling that I might have been his twin sister in our past life. That’s what I really feel about him, I’m really comfortable around him and we could basically understand each other even if we’re not talking. It’s just nice. And seriously, whenever there’s a gathering, usually we come together. Hahaha. In short, I am fond of inviting him as well. We could really become stand up comedians. ๐Ÿ™‚

The last one is a Benildean. Before, I had some issues with her in the past and I may have said bad things about her but seriously, I have moved forward and let go of all the things that happened. And I am thankful that she understands fully what I feel about our other friend (kabarkada). She could honestly sympathize with me and respects me for my decisions. I am glad that she’s there whenever I badly need someone to talk to and she’s only the person I could explain to when those three doesn’t even get what my point is.

We had this talk yesterday about our other friend whom I am not in good terms (currently). It all started last February 8, 2014. It was her post birthday celebration and being one of her friends, I decided that I should come as well. However, thinking that she could do whatever she wanted (including hurting other people’s feelings), she did something that I never imagined that she would do. Because my guy friend and I were early birds, we arrived earlier than our other friends. So we sat at the table with her, her parents and her parents’ friend. Because she’s kind of a foul mouthed person, she made us look stupid in front of them. She repeatedly stated that we couldn’t pass our mock board exams because were not capable of doing so. To make things even worse, she even bragged about her accomplishments in front of them. It’s as if that she’s slapping in our faces that she is GREAT and WAY BETTER than US. Even though she may have been better in terms of career and success, I could say that I am way better in character than her.I was seriously disgusted about how low she looked on us. Not caring about what others may feel and making her look that she was way better than us.

Image

This picture says it all. I know she would never understand what we felt that time because she had already passed her board examinations and have her own job.. Things were easy for her and not for us. I just do hope that when she experience any failures, she would be able to cope up. If not, that’s pretty bad..

(To be continued since I am already lazy and I would really love to finish this K-drama)

Advertisements

Today, I think about regrets

Hi! It’s me again! For some reasons, I cannot really concentrate with my studies right now so I decided to write in this blog of mine. :). So here it goes…

As the title states, today is the day I talk about regrets. If there’s only one thing I’m certain in this world, that would be.. everyone of us would like to change a part of our past. To correct our mistakes or wrong doings but then again, if we would be given one chance to change our past, what would you change? What decision would you not make?

I have been asking that question myself for a long time right now. If I were still in my frosh year of college, I would never ever choose engineering as my course and ***** as my school. I would instead chase my long life dream to become a lawyer even if it means that I would defy my parents and fight for what I believe in…

However, if I had made that decision before, I am certain that I would enjoy what I am currently doing right now rather than having to study for a half-assed upcoming mock board examinations just for me to graduate. *Sigh*. (This is indeed frustrating).

Even so, there are many things that I would never obtain or possess now if I have chosen that path. I would never make the same mistakes and learn lessons from them. I never would have fallen deeply in love and be badly broken and be changed by that love.. I would never meet someone as good as that ‘person’.

To be truthfully honest, there is this one event in my college life that I have really regret up to now… Back when I was still a froshie, there’s this guy who’s constantly in my mind and he’s constantly hanging around with me. He was really the first person to tell me that I have a huge crush on him. (Seriously, he really suprised me then but what he was claiming is true all along.) He was the guy who looked so confident and full of himself but I never hated him from being like that because deep in my heart, I knew that he’s only like that in front of me.

To be honest, that guy was indeed my first friend and my first crush in my university. He was really funny in his way. He’s always there for me whenever I needed him and I was also there for him. Even though I really liked him back then, it never made it to the point that I would be in a relationship with him because he had a girlfriend that time and just like I said, he’s just my crush.

It’s like the perfect guy, but the wrong time..I could never forget his first impression with me.. “That time, I thought you were the smartest person in the class. And I’m really shocked when *insert name* is better than you.” I was really flattered and until now, that’s what motivates me to study at some point..

I could still remember that he was the guy who would cheer me up and would talk to me when I feel down. I could still remember how I used to help him with his studies. I could clearly remember how we used to tease each other too much and how he tried so hard to make me smile whenever I am sad. His simplicity completely balances my complex mind. Our relationship maybe was the most extraordinary of all.. It’s as if we met even in our past lives. Okay, don’t get me wrong because all I can say is that our friendship was really true.

That guy may not be the brightest in our class, but I believed in him, pushed him, supported him and helped him in his studies. He was really doing so well that time.. Until everything changed because I fell for someone else..

Since we humans are indeed selfish beings, we tend to prioritize our benefits first rather than others’ welfare. Things really changed after that.. I prioritized the other guy and so.. I couldn’t be there for him even if he was still there for me whenever I needed him. And everything went down the drain. He wasn’t able to handle the pressure anymore.. so his mom told him to switch schools..

I was really devastated and sad then because I knew that we wouldn’t be able to see each other in school anymore, we wouldn’t have our usual laugh and teasing jokes against each other.. I remembered how sad he is that time.. and I can still remember what he told me.. “Thanks for everything.. You’re the one that I would never ever forget..” In tagalog, “Salamat sa lahat lahat.. Ikaw yung pinaka-hindi ko makakalimutan sa lahat..”

His words strucked me hard. I really cried upon reading that message and I knew he cried as well. Hahaha. (Okay, I am really a coward for not saying goodbye in his face because we both can’t do it). Seriously.. And then I realized by that time that we were indeed like real siblings.. (Are you somehow hoping this ends into a romantic thing? Well sorry it won’t).

After he left our school I thought that I would not find someone like him. But it turns out wrong because exactly 1 year after he left, I saw his qualities in that certain person. And I know it’s wrong but I am wondering if that new one became the substitute for him..(I’m not telling who he is.)

But true to our words, we never really forgot about each other. Even after all these time, it’s nice that we could still talk ask if we never were separated for about 3 years now. And I’ve heard that his new girlfriend and I had a ton of similarities and he’s really proud when he told me that. (Seriously, I’m gonna punch that guy. So much for admiration)..

If I could turn back time, I would never let him be alone.. But then again, he would never met this girl if he didn’t leave our school so I think.. I still think that even I have regretted that, things went well. And if he was still here with me, I would never meet another good person like him. ๐Ÿ™‚

There you have it! :)) Finally cleared my thoughts. ๐Ÿ™‚ Off to studying again ๐Ÿ˜€

xoxo,

jha.ix

 

That Bucketlist. :)

Hi. Since #100happydays is indeed mainstream, I decided that I make up a bucket list that I need to accomplish in my lifetime. โ™ฅ Sounds sweet. ๐Ÿ™‚ Hihi. ๐Ÿ™‚

1. Get back in shape and be gorgeously beautiful. (HAHA)

2. Be a Juris Doctor Student

3. Pass the BAR examinations

4. Spend my birthday in Paris, France

5. Meet someone special. โ™ฅ

6. Go back and travel with my family in Singapore

7. Be fluent in French Language. ๐Ÿ™‚

8. Be a part of Mountaineering Club and climb a REAL mountain. ๐Ÿ™‚

9. Write my own novel.ย 

10. Take good care ofย a beautiful Labrador Retriever.

11. Give my parents around the world trip as my gift to them. (I really need a lot of money by then). โ™ฅ

I will update this lateeer. :))

Book Review 2: Parang Kayo Pero Hindi by Noringai

Parang Kayo Pero Hindi Book Cover

Parang Kayo Pero Hindi Book Cover

As of March 11, 2014. I have read my second book out of 50 books that I need to read this 2014. Truth be told, this book certainly caught my attention when I first saw the title. “Parang Kayo Pero Hindi” means it’s as if you’re having mutual relationship with your special someone..but then again, you wouldn’t end up with that person because there are a lot of predicaments that would come along your way. Maybe because you/him doesn’t like any commitment, or maybe he has a girl friend and he wouldn’t break up with her just to be with you.. In reality, this is just plain bullshit ๐Ÿ™‚

So as I was saying. I intended to buy this book last February. It was supposed to be a gift for my close female cousin because I was teasing her about the experiences she had when she fell for a jerk. (Don’t be offended, I too, had fallen for a jerk before but I wanted her not to grieve because it was the end of the relationship that wasn’t even real to begin with. Instead, I want to cheer her up by teaching her life lessons based from our experiences..) Upon realizing that the book was out of stock, I opted not to buy it for her anymore.

After a month or so.. I was busy with school stuffs that I haven’t realized that I wanted to buy a copy of this book. So, I went to National Bookstore this late afternoon, March 11, in order to buy the latest book of Marcelo Santos III, Para Sa Broken Hearted ย and surprisingly I saw this book. With swooping excitement, I bought the two books. Even though it’s not really part of my budget, I was compelled to buy them. (I really loved to buy books. It’s my addiction. :P)

Upon opening the book, I was indeed certain that I would finish and devour it right away. The stories inside were very common and could happen in our daily lives but Miss Noreen Capili had a way with those words. Each words were able to pierce my heart with swords. I even cursed for many times because every word that was imprinted seemed to crush every bit of my heart..

It’s like I’ve been slapped hard in my both cheeks. I felt the wringing pain in my heart as if everything that happened flashed back before my eyes. It’s nice if I don’t remember, but then again, I remembered every bit of it. From the first time that we met to the day that I decided to end it all.

In this 100 page book, I have my own favorite mini-stories here. “the one that got away”, “the day after valentines”๐ŸŒน, “the air in my lungs” and “kung bakit ako umiyak sa commercial ng mcdo”

The One That Got Away ๐ŸŽผ

(PAST)

Everyone of us have that special someone in our life that we could never ever forget. It could be a former lover, a former friend, a former person whom we had a deep connection..But one way or another, fate had a better idea of splitting us apart. I too have my one that got away. And no matter how hard I try to forget the memories that the two of us made, it simply did not fade away..

One of the lines that struck my heart was..

Maybe you’re just missing the person you once were, not the person you fell in love with.”

Based from that quote. I believe that she is definitely right. I missed the person that I once were, before.. when we we’re together, I could still remember my kindness and beaming smile, the different me then.. I missed that me badly, the innocent one who was beaming with hope and happiness. And the one who was always true to her feelings whether she knew that she would end up hurting one day. A lot has changed since then.. It has been 10 months since the day I told him that I wanted to be freed from his rain. And up to this day, I know that even though I am certain that I am not in love with him anymore, he would still be a part of me that wouldn’t fade away so easily.

The Day After Valentines

(PRESENT)

I’d be a hypocrite if I told you that I do not drink. Everyone does and if they seriously don’t drink, I know that sometime now, they would eventually do it because of their so called problems in their own lives. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a super drunkard asshole or whatever. Usually, I feel drinking whenever I wanted to drown in alcohol rather than think about all of the stupid problems that I encountered. That’s how I usually end up escaping all of those shitty endeavors. And when I experienced my first heartbreak, I drank as well.

I could possibly relate to the girl in this story in the way she hugged and loved the idea of drowning in tequila.. And usually, I end up being honest with everything whenever I am drunk. ๐Ÿ˜ The good thing is when I only sleep right away after being drunk.. :).

And my story is not really the day after valentines. It should be two days before valentines. I still remember it clearly. How I smiled to that person who holds a place in my heart. But then again, I never knew what his true intentions where. I wish that he would stop trying to give me false hints because I really don’t want to make the same mistake again..

But who am I to tell him to stop? Just NOBODY. NOBODY again..

The Air in My Lungs

(PAST)

My one that got away was similar to the air in my lungs. I also had the similar story with the author. I was inlove with the wrong guy up to the point that I really did became stupid and did all I could do for that person. Bottom line, he treated me like shit. And then, I gave up. But for now. I am genuinely happy that I did got away from him.

I do agree that there are still resentments lingering in me likeย “what if I never met him? I guess that things would be better if I just minded my own business.“. But then again, if not for him, I wouldn’t be the person I am now. I thank him for the heartaches that he gave me because I am a strong willed person now. I wouldn’t be the same if not for him..

So in the future, I would thank the boy whom I met not because we would end up together but because he molded me into what I am now. ๐Ÿ™‚

To sum it up, this book would really give you a warm feeling. And you would eventually be able to reflect on your life. Seriously. I would rate it. 4.35 stars out of 5 for giving me satisfaction and hurting me well. Hahaha.

Buy your copies now! :))

Song of Achilles: Madeline Miller

As I have said, I pledge to read 50 books this year and fortunately, I have started to finish one of the pile of books that I have. ๐Ÿ™‚

The first book that I had finished this year is The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller.

Image

Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

Upon seeing this book, I already felt intrigued by it. I simply thought that I could finally understand more about the Trojan war and what really happened to Achilles, why the Greeks waged war for the fairest lady of them all, Helen of Sparta..

Back in high school, I really loved Greek and Roman Mythology. Most of my classmates felt reading it as their obligation in order to pass the exams given to us by our English teacher. However, I was not like them. Since I really loved reading books even when I was a kid, I tend to enjoy reading those stories.

One of the stories that bugged me was the Trojan War. Before, I really felt ridiculous because the war was waged because of Helen. (I really don’t like her vanity, sorry for being like this). I mean, why should someone offer their life just for a girl who was abducted with own her consent? I really felt stupid. Even though she’s the most fairest of them all, does that mean that people should shed their own blood and kill the innocents just to get this treacherous lady back? Seriously. It was a major no-no. :|. A little background on the Trojan War. :3

——————————————————————————————–

It all started when the gods wanted to have a feast when goddess Thetis, goddess of the sea, was wedded to King Peleus, King of Phtia. All of the gods and goddesses were invited except Eris, the goddess of discord. It is simply obvious that no one would like to invite a troublemaker in a wedding ceremony, right? Hence, in order to extract her vengeance, she tossed a golden apple (Apple of Discord) into the party inscribing “For the most beautiful one”. Many agreed that the 3 goddesses namely: Athena, Hera and Aphrodite are the ย fairest of all the goddesses. Since the three of them wanted to get the apple badly, they asked Zeus in order to bring judgment upon them.

However, Zeus wouldn’t like to do so because if he chose one, the other two would be highly offended. In order to have a fair judgment, he said Paris, the son of Priam would choose the fairest of them all. Paris was given the right by Zeus to set any conditions in order to determine the most fairest goddess. He even asked the three of them to undress before him. Even though the three goddesses undressed before him, he couldn’t decide because the three were ideally beautiful so they bribed him in order for him to give in.

Hera promised the ownership of all Europe and Asia, Athena offeredย battle, wisdom and the abilities of the greatest warriors and Aphrodite offered the love of the most beautiful woman on Earth, which is Helen of Sparta (Ugh. I hate her.. haha). I believe that Paris is a man of vanity so he chose Aphrodite. Then, Aphrodite helped Paris abduct Helen as she slept in the kingdom of King Menelaus. It was also noted that she came willingly. It was probably because she fell in love with Paris. However, an oath was made before that if Helen was abducted by anyone, all her suitors and their own kingdoms would protect her and his chosen husband. (Yeah, I know, it really sounds stupid. Seriously.)ย Thus, it was the beginning of the Trojan war.

———————————————————————————————

Achilles was really one of my favorite heroes.. It was fascinating that he were able to slaughter hundreds or even thousands of Trojan warriors by himself. I was so focused on him before that I never noticed the existence of his companion, Patroclus.

In Miller’s book, it was stated that Patroclus and Achilles shared a romantic relationship. I was really not aware of that kind of relationship but I felt that something was different then when he had chosen Patroclus to be his companion. It felt kind of weird at first because it was the first time that I have read a man to man love relationship in a book. I could say that I was surprised but I don’t disapprove of the way Miller told the story of those two. It was really written well that I was able to accept such thing.

It really made me wonder how strong their love and trust between each other. Although Achilles knew that he would die if he participated in the Trojan war, he still risked his life in order to protect Patroclus since he had also sworn an oath to Helen. Even though they have the same gender, they both displayed what true love is. (Truth be told, I’m not judgmental about same-sex relationships because I believe that what matters most is the happiness of the couple.)

The book is very well written since she was able to combine Greek history and literature. ๐Ÿ™‚ I would rate it 5 stars if not only for the sensual description of those two making love. (Jeez, I’m not interested in that.. My innocence T_T) Hahaha.

My favorite parts of the book are:

1.) When Patroclus sacrificed his own life for Achilles, he wore his armor and fought for him. Unfortunately he was killed by Hector.

2.) Thesis wrote Patroclus’ name on the grave of Achilles. ๐Ÿ™‚ She finally accepted them.

Hence, I would now consider that I am a fan of Madeline Miller! And I’m currently hoping for her next book. I’ve heard that she’s already writing it. Hehe. ๐Ÿ™‚ Good luck Ms. Madeline Miller! ๐Ÿ˜€ โค