I still long for it even if 5 years had already passed… (3AM Realizations)

Ever since I was a little kid, I always knew that I was different. When the teacher asks my classmates what they wanted to become someday, they always say, “I want to become a doctor so that I could help other people.” And gladly, I was not one of them. It was a different case for me. Whenever I was asked that question, my response would be, “I want to become a lawyer someday.” And then, they’d immediately ask why. But since, I am innocent and full of passion then, I would proudly reply, “Because I want to become the President of the Philippines someday.” And after that, I’d always see a smile that always bothered me then. And I only realized when I grew up that it was a smirk.

But it was a different case for some of my relatives. They would ask me that question and they (grownups) would usually laugh and comment afterwards “Wala na sigurong Pilipinas by that time.” I’d be so pissed off that I would walk out of the room. (And yeah, I realized by now that it’d be totally impossible for me to become the President of the Philippines but still I was a kid then and my dreams are way up high.)

Despite all of those jeers and discouraging remarks from my peers and my relatives, there was this one person who believed in me and that was Gramps. He genuinely cared about my dreams and he motivated me to push through that career. Up until I was in the sixth grade, I genuinely believed that I could pull that career off. I could even remember what I wrote in an english class when we were asked to create our own Epitaph. I wrote, “Here lies the body of a great lawyer who genuinely cared for others. Cause of Death: Assassination.” And when I think about that now, it kind of sounds morbid. I mean, my classmates wrote that they would die due to old age and I wrote assassination?! Seriously, was I even thinking of becoming a hero then, huh? (Too Ambitious. Tsk. Tsk.)

However, as we grow up, we tend to realize that our dreams when we were still kids are way too hard for us to achieve. And the depressing result is we’re going to settle for something less than that. Or even worse, we’d just grab up something that we’ve never really wanted but is already in front of us. (Choosy pa ba? Ayan na nga sa harap mo eh!) So when I was in my final year of my secondary education, I never got in my choice for law school. It really devastated me that it made me think that maybe that dream will never become a reality. It even got to the point that maybe those people who laughed at me before were right. So I just kept that dream locked in some place far away, pretending it never existed in the first place. I never realized that time passed fleetingly that I just woke up one day enrolling myself in an Engineering School.

To be honest, I’d almost forgotten my passion when I studied in that school. Too many school requirements to finish but there’s too little time. I could still remember that I’d sleep at midnight only to wake up at 3 in the morning in order to finish those requirements. It was really effective then. However, little did I know that the more you bury your feelings inside, the more hard it’d be for you to control it when it resurfaced. And yeah, that realization hit me 6 months before graduation. I still love law. I still long to be a lawyer. And this time, I’d do whatever it takes to become one.

I know some people would definitely object to my decision and say that I’d be wasting my bachelor’s degree if I wouldn’t be able to practice it. To be honest, I’d also feel some guilty feelings if I wouldn’t be able to practice my profession. But what can I do? It’s the key to my happiness. Should I just let things be and be forever thinking about what could happen should I have chosen law despite its consequences? Well, I don’t really want to spend my life regretting things and thinking about those stupid ‘what if phrases that ran constantly into my mind’. I don’t want to live my life like that so this time, I’d be definitely chasing my dreams.

I’ve been always a fan of this saying: ‘If there’s a will, there’s a way.’ =). If you really want something so bad, you’d definitely do whatever you can to have it. And you’d be surprised when you realized that you could also do things that you’ve never even imagine you’d do. In conclusion, I sure will do reach for it, as soon as I’m done with these things that I need to prioritize first. And I’m still young so I guess I could pull that one off. Haha. 🙂

PS. Releasing stress by writing really feels great. :)).

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